Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
