I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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