My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize