if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
