I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
