I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
