Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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