I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
