ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
