tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
