dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
