so explain again why im purple
no
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
