we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
