remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize