I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
