im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's Friday. Sex?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
