You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
