Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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