accomplished twins. life is a go
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
