I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
