Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
