I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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