So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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