It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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