My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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