like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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