I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
