So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
