I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize