don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
