thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
