I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
