Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
