I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
