Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
