I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
