So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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