why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
