Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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