I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
