Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
