If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can I color on your dick again?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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