Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
someone owes me an orgasm
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
