brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
