At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
is that a dick in a sweater?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
