Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
