so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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