loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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