try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
