Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
