Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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