I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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