I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
