Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
