drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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