alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
