we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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