My hand turned me down
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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