Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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