Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
