The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
