My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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