Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
