dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think people are normalizing furries
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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