i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
