We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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