You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
