The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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